Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Little Out of Order...

So you haven't seen pictures yet. Nor have you read about Carter's birth and first five months. I know, I know. I'm behind. I promise to catch you up soon, but for now, I must ask for your prayers.

Carter has had quite a few respiratory and intestinal issues during his short little life that have led to a recommendation by our pediatrician that we have him tested for cystic fibrosis. It shall from here on out be known as CF. Two letters I've not ever thought about in the same thought. C is for Carter- my maiden name and now the name of my son; C is for cat; C is for cookie. F is for frog; F is for fun; F is for fruit. But C and F together? Not something I've ever thought of together. Dr. A. began to talk to us about a month ago about testing Carter for CF since he's had so many issues- an RSV stint that hospitalized us, an intusseseption stint that hospitalized us, and many other bouts in between.

So, on her recommendation, we report tomorrow morning, April 19th, to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta's Egleston campus for a sweat-chloride test that will either confirm or rule out a cystic fibrosis diagnosis for Carter.

I've been thinking alot about tomorrow, and for many reasons. Firstly, tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of the day my grandmother went to be with Jesus. "Ice" as we called her began to slip away from us about a year and a half before her homegoing, having been plagued with dimentia symptoms that slowly took the grandmother we knew away. But we loved her no less. She had such a heart for children- rocking many a baby at the day care center my own children now attend. Oh, how much she would've loved knowing my sweet Saralynn and Carter. They both have some of her qualities. Both of them cross their feet like she did. Saralynn lives with the same reckless abandon for which my grandmother was known. I have thought of her often- especially in the last few days since we've learned of our date with CF destiny. I didn't think much about it at first, but then I wrote the date in an email and seeing it on the screen brought my fingers to a halt. Is it a coincidence? I think not. My grandmother will be watching over us, alongside my grandfather, as we await the results that will change the course of our lives forever.

I said I've been thinking about tomorrow for alot of reasons- another one of them because I've been hit with the revelation that our lives change forever tomorrow. Why the gloomy attitude, you may wonder. I choose to think of it not as gloomy but as realistic. And I don't mean to sound like I'm bringing something unnecessary on Carter. But, the fact is, our world will change. We will either A) learn that Carter has CF and begin a journey of educating ourselves on all that will change for us, or B) learn that Carter does not have CF and be able to check it off the list of ailments plaguing our child. Either way, life changes. If he does not have CF, praise God! If he does have CF, praise God! The same God that molded and shaped him before we knew him is the same God that will carry us along the journey- whatever that journey is. I am fully convinced that if Carter does not have CF, God has given us this path to follow so that we can relate with those families whose loved ones do have CF. I will never look at CF the same way again. Please hear me again- I'm not bringing more on my child than what is already charted out for him- I'm merely trying to be obedient and listen to the will of my Jesus- and I firmly believe that will, at least for now, is for me to learn to relate to those families who deal with CF on a daily basis, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

I ordered a book in February that arrived yesterday. Angie Smith is a brilliantly gifted author who has written the story of her daughter Audrey for the whole world to read. If you aren't familiar with her story, go to You will surely fall in love with her just as I have. Angie's book, "I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy" arrived yesterday and I've read 3/4 of it already. I don't think it's by accident that the book showed up earlier than expected. It has spoken to the heart of this mommy ho so desperately wants to know what's wrong with her baby and wants Jesus to be glorified in every detail. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the results of tomorrow's test and our family's journey from this point on are not mysteries to God. He knows and i carrying us through the uncertainty.

Will you pray with us? Yes, I want a healthy baby. I don't want to think of daily meds and regular visits to the doctor, but if that's His plan, then pray with us that we are moldable clay that can be used by the Potter. Refine us, Jesus.

Thank you for praying alongside us.

For the Sake of the Call,
Mary Beth